Every everywhere. So she starting very young, I shared with her the fascination around. She was so good, has such a good eye at picking pieces that were broken, and people would literally like, I have an armoire in my dining room that when she found it, it was in a pile. It was literally decomposed in in a pile of wood. And she found, this gentleman in Mississippi and, out in the rural parts of Mississippi, and he would rebuild this furniture for her and bring it back to new. Little did I know that watching her do that and developing a love for, starting to restore. So I think I restored my first piece of furniture at thirteen, And it was an actual old couch from the Salvation Army that I broke down and rebuilt into a pure white couch that we kept in our home, and literally rebuilt that couch in a matter of three days, and had never done it before. And that was kinda

But you were thirteen years old?

Thirteen. It was in my mom's dining room. And Wow. Said, you are never gonna finish that sofa. And I said, I'm not gonna sleep till I finish that sofa. But that was God's way at that point, I think, looking back on it now, of carrying on legacy from my grandmother because she told me she said, if you continue to care for things like this, every piece you see in this house can be yours. I will leave it all to you. Nobody else wanted it because they wanted the new stuff. And I said Yeah. If you pass it on to me, I will take care of it. The desk I sit at right now was the first dining room table she and my grandfather bought. I resported and made it the desk that I work from. So while she only reached, you know, high school education, she was a housekeeper, for living. She was a woman of many principles that I just hold her in such great reverence because she taught me about everything about my faith and how to care for people through the way I restored things out to the way that I cook for people. So cooking is a love language for me. So love my grandmother, Elizabeth. Actually, my oldest daughter has carries her name.

Oh, well, I love the name. My middle daughter's name is Elizabeth, and I love the meaning of Elizabeth. You know the meaning of it. I love that name.

Yes.

That is so I mean, I know. And I think you refurnished her buffet, which actually became your credenza. I mean, Yeah. I just think that it's so awesome, Coach Bee, because when you sit at that when you sit at that desk every day Yep. You've got a piece of her with you, and she's carrying on that legacy. I just think it's really beautiful.

Thank you so much. Thank you for even knowing that. I love that.

Well and and you know what? And I just thought about something else. You are a transformation expert. That's what you are. And that started you're transforming That's it. This furniture. Right? Absolutely. Absolutely. Common thread.

Absolutely. That is so cool. Yes.

That is so cool. Well, I know that you and Rob have built a house, a home that's grounded in faith, and I love it. Tell me about your family, your immediate family, Rob, your kids. How has that shaped you as a leader? Being a mother and being a wife, and, how have they supported you and shaped you?

Oh my gosh. Just because I'm fresh off of that renewal of time with Rob and then celebrating our twenty fifth anniversary today. Rob and I started out as best friends in college. We built this relationship from a truly solid relationship or friendship. And, I tell people all the time, I don't just love him, but I like him. Yes. I adore him.

That's kind of important.

It is very important. You cannot skip that part. It's important foundational work. And he is my true best friend. I know some people say that. I I really tell you that, he knows me better than anybody, and I wouldn't be where I am today had not he made the full commitment to let me go out on the edge of risk and do what I'm doing. And I know you totally understand this because I know you come from the same place. So, you know, the even today, I was telling him that I love the fact that he loves me the way I don't even know I need to be loved. And so that just brings another quality to not only our relationship, but it's a model for our girls. Not that they need to have exactly what Rob and I have because I want them to journey with their people when it's time.

Absolutely.

The way they see they need to. But that faith of believing that God knows how to weave us together and that it is a journey with tons of seasons, and we have to sign up for all the seasons. You know, we both just went through like I said earlier, I lost my mom in September, but last November, we lost his mom. And so we have found a whole another level

Mhmm.

Of trusting each other and God through to the end of the light at the end of the tunnel of now being motherless, so to speak, and learning how to fill that space with other things now that they're gone to heaven and can't feel. So I just tell people all the time, don't look for perfect. Look for the person that you feel you can say yes to the journey. And then when it gets dull, you know how to respark it. When it's full, that you know how to embrace it and be grateful for it, but it's it's seasons. It's not perfect.

I'm so glad that you've said that. Yeah. I'm so glad that you said that, Coach Bee, because there is no perfect relationship. No. In fact, you know, I've told our children and yeah. I said if people tell you that they never have issues or they don't even have disagreements, I'm like, either they're lying to you or they're just they're a very surface relationship and they're pushing those things under the rug. Yes. But, I completely concur with you because I know that Greg having the two of us I mean, having him in my life, I am the better human being. Iron sharpens iron.

That's right.

And, and and I like him too. I would choose just to to have him as a best friend even if he wasn't my husband. So that that's really beautiful. Yes. Well, I know that, you know, that you've held degrees. I mean, my goodness. You got lots and lots and lots of degrees.

I love that.

And you continue to get degrees because you're now working on your doctorate, which is crazy. But, you know, you've got lots of different ones. But what what has driven that lifelong commitment to learning? And, I mean, I'm sure your dad being an educator, I'm sure education was important. You guys were brought up to realize how important education is.

Yeah. It he did. I will say, though he had a very interesting to say that he was such a brilliant man, he never forced us down a particular education path. His words to us was always and this is the words I say to Hannah and Grace, my two daughters, is about seeking life for curiosity. And if curiosity leads you to a four year university, if it leads you to a technical career, if it leads you to vo tech, if it leads you to entrepreneurship, just make sure that you are pursuing it with everything that you have. Mhmm. Never resting on your laurels that because you've achieved some part of it, that you know everything there is to know. Because our brains you know, being a brain coach, I learned very quickly that and then watching two parents suffer from cognitive decline that when you become comfortable that you know everything you need to know, you're actually closing off the possibility of growing another part of your mind, opening up neuropathways that have a lot of treasure in it that I believe divinely is for us to go discover. It's just like we get on a plane to go take a vacation. We should be taking a vacation with our learning. And, you know, even today sitting with you, I know that I'm gonna have the opportunity to hear myself as you provoke me in the questions you're asking, to want to discover more about who I am. So probably in my fifties right now, I am more in tune with needing to drive forward learning in myself so that I can help people differently. I can discover people differently. I can see

Yes. Mhmm. I, you know, I I love what you just said. That completely one hundred percent resonates with me because I was just talking to somebody last week about some possibility of higher education. And I said it's not for the letters behind your name. It truly isn't. It's so that I could be better equipped to help other people.

That's it.

Right? That's That's that's the that's the impetus for it. So

Absolutely. And I didn't have a good I'm gonna be honest with you, Lisa. When I first decided that I wanted to do additional learning, I'm a put it that way, it was not rooted in the best position about learning. It was rooted in acceptance and wanting to have something else to conquer. You can get addicted Yes. You can. To that kind of thing. And so, I remember going when I was going through some spiritual counseling, Literally, that was challenged. And she said, I think, honestly, you need to pull back from the doctoral program, and you need to pursue something else for the time being while you are transforming yourself. And I did that.

You did?

I did. And so that is when I went into the brain coaching and got that certification because the question was, what I was doing, was it gonna help the people that I was called to help my purpose, or was it going to feed my ego? And, honestly, at the time, it was feeding my ego.

Feeding your ego. Yeah. I mean, I that's a good point too. You know, I think we always need to be asking ourselves, what is the motive? What is the motive to do this? Is it really to look good to others? Is it for acceptance, credibility? Whatever the case may be. So, yeah, having those meetings with yourself, I think, are really important. It wasn't popular.

It wasn't popular. A lot of people are like, what are you doing? Why would you do that? But I had to make a conscious decision that, you know, I'm kinda a little too old to be doing chasing ghosts. So I need to make sure that I'm intentional about the things that I do and, you know, is it serving the kingdom?

Yes. Oh, so good. So good. Well, let me ask you this because we we've already kinda touched on it a little bit. You are a transformation expert. Transformation of the brain. Transformation of IT. Many, many things. Transformation of furniture. Yeah. When did you when in your career did you realize that it was more about transformation for you than just the technology and that transformation was gonna be your line?

Wow. That's a good question. I would say it was probably, at this point, over twelve years ago, if not a little longer. I was in an organization. I won't say names to protect the innocent.

Yes.

But I remember, being completely fulfilled in the work I was doing, but I have this provocation, almost like a a tomb moment where, outwardly, everybody would probably have guessed that I was doing what I love to do. I've been in technology at that time for I'll call getting close to thirty years. I mean, for most of my career, I had a a adult dual degree in computer science. And Yes. And so I've always had my tentacles in it. But from the outside, it looked like I was working for the perfect organization doing the perfect work. Inside, I was suffering silently. And what I mean by that was I just was not fulfilled. I mean, I had the paycheck. I had the title. You know, was wearing the the the Armani suit with the stiletto heels and walking in the shower. Right?

Right.

But I was just not happy. And when I look back at pictures even during that time, I was I could see it. I can see that, but that that be at the time. And I remember just, really getting in a place of trying to understand what where that suffering was coming from because everything else seemed to be in place. And I remember, one day, I felt a provocation to write down if you could be somewhere else helping someone else, who would they be? What would they look like? What would they sound like? Right. Exactly. So I sat down and wrote a couple of simple sentences. They were not elaborate. And it said something like to help other people in positions of influence, not necessarily power, but influence. And that was before influence was a buzzword to uncover their greater purpose. Wrote that down, said, oh, this sounds good. This looks good. And I tucked it away in my journal, put it on my prayer prayer space. And then, couple of months after that, I heard the little voice, you know, little voice that was here, and it said to go further. And so I talked about who those people were, individuals that had our servant heart but were overlooked, committees, boards, c level executives that had the true desire but were struggling to maintain the desire. And so it started to get a little clear of who. Fast forwarding, one day I heard the word transformation. Just heard it. Mhmm. And I went and looked it up, and I promise you it was, like, one percent of people were even moving in that space. Mackenzie had just started talking about it. There were about I'd say if you went out on LinkedIn, you probably found fifteen individuals that was doing transformational work. And I started circulating it in my circle of of influence, and people were kind of making fun of it saying, what the heck does that mean to me? Like, what what do you

Yeah.

So I I will say to you, Lisa, that it started out as it usually starts out in purpose. And what you're giving in your heart, your unique path usually sounds ridiculous. You know what I'm talking about?

Yes. I do. And Yes.

It sounded ridiculous for a while, and I kept saying to lead my leaders and saying to people, this is what I think I'm supposed to do and what I wanna do. And everybody was like, that's that's cute, but we're not buying it. So transformation for me was that little voice that spoke to me of this is what you're going to do. And I remember even having a prophetic dream if I can go there.

Yeah. Please do.

And the dream showed me that I was in this war torn country, of Liberia. And it showed me that I was in almost like this think of the space needle that you would see in Seattle or the one you would see in Toronto. Mhmm. The and I'm in the top of this, and I was looking out across this I mean, as far as you could see, it was just a sea of people, and they were coming towards this space needle. And I heard this big voice say, they are coming for your help. This is the this is the transformation needle. Wow. And I woke up. I remember that dream. That dream was ten years ago. Ten years ago. And then when I came down from the needle and went out on the ground with the people, I saw areas similar to what our world looks like now, which is unsettledness and feet. Mhmm. And people trying to hold on to purpose and

Yes.

Hold on to why are we here, why are we going through this, and the lack of trust. And so I went from the top of the needle to the ground of uncertainty. And I remember waking up just like, what what is this? I am living that out now.

That's incredible. Yes. Do you think, Coach Bee, during that time, do you think, like, when you were doing you know, you were in this organization, everything looked great from the outside. Do you think that you had disconnected from your purpose, your true purpose in that time, and that's why you were a little empty inside?

I do. I do. It's so funny because last week, to answer that question, when I was sitting in my reflective time in beautiful Aruba Mhmm. And just sitting there quietly, I just started thinking about, you know, for instance, in, Luke when it describes the multiple points of suffering that that character that the the man that was displayed there, that sometimes when we think about suffering, we think about it as some, transcendent thing that happens to people when they're born in, you know, misfortune or they're born in unfavorable situations. But the fact of the matter is all of us are walking with multiple points of suffering.

That's right.

And the biggest suffering that I see every day of what I do is the disconnection from purpose.

Right.

The fragmentation that happens when people lose the the the path. You don't always have to know all of the what, but you have to stay on the path of discovering. Right? And me, I had so many years of people seeing all of these gifts that I had to offer, and they were kind of like Christmas time. They were going doing their Black Friday shopping would be. They were picking out what they wanted, and they were illuminating what they wanted. And I was letting that happen.

Mhmm.

And it was I was successful. Right? Right. But what wasn't happening is I didn't I wasn't taking the place to be clear, to be calm, to be present, to ask myself, how do I feel about what's unfolding? And so even in that vision that I had, I was unsettled even in the vision because I'm like, how do I get from where I am to to learning all of that? Right?

Right. Right.

And I know I'm speaking to, you know, a fellow sister that totally understands that you have to sign up every day

Yes. You do.

Open to Right. Unraveled and unpack, but you still have to maintain the boundaries of not allowing your purpose to be, plagiarized, to be taken for granted, for, people to pick out of it what is suits them. Because what you end up with is emptiness. You end up in that tomb. You end up with the legions, like the character in Luke, right, of fragmentation.

Mhmm. Yeah. That wow. I love I honestly, I love that metaphor. I love that prophetic dream that you had because I just think and you coming down into this level of uncertainty because I see the same thing. I see people. And I've often thought to myself, Benetta, I mean, I know you and I we know I know what my purpose is. And my the way that we live that out

Yeah.

May look different different, but there is an overarching purpose that we're all created for. And I know what that is. But I've often thought if I didn't know what that was, I I think I would be I think I would be really a depressed person. Oh, yeah. Because because then you're like, what is this all about? I just get up every day. I get ready, I go to work, I come home, I cook there. I mean, it's just like, what is the meaning of all of this, right? If you don't really understand that higher purpose and what what it really is that you were created for Yes. That would be really it'd be hard to navigate life, I feel like.

It's it's a emptiness. And, you know, when your identity, I would say when your identity is fragmented, your authority weakens.

Mhmm.

And what I was going through during that time was outwardly, again, people were happy with what they were getting from me. But for me, I had to go through a period of restoration. Mhmm. Part of that period of restoration was separating from things that I knew were draining me emotionally. I call them emotional and spiritual vampires.

Yes. You know You've done the same thing.

I had to be open to my circles changing, and they and the and new people showing up for the new season that I was moving into. I had to be open to you know, because I was always always have been a person that people attracted to for direction and for advice, and I had to be open to being humble to receiving my guides, my wisdom. Right? Yes. I had to ask for that. I had to look at motherhood differently, spouse spousal relationship differently. I had to look at what kind of leader I wanted to be. So the next place that I went, I literally intentionally took a lot of what I wanted and put it away for a minute and started to figure out what is my purpose for having the people that now report to me and that I'm responsible for. Like, what is it I'm supposed to do with these people? And I'm not saying that I was selfish all the time, but it was so much about performance that I kinda lost the essence of my purpose of why certain people were being put in my midst.

Put in.

Right. Yeah. Absolutely. Mhmm. And then I had to start envisioning again, you know, this business that now is a practice and not being afraid to dream while I was on somebody else's dime. So I had to give myself permission to start birthing that baby and that vision while I was working at something else, and it just was interesting how everything started to converge.

Mhmm. That's so beautiful. Well, my goodness. I've got so many questions here. You know, let's let's just I I mean, I want to make sure that we get into what you're called to do today. Yes. You know, go go follow Coach Bee. I mean, literally, she she has, ran huge transformation projects for organizations, big and small. And like I said, ten plus industries. There's a lot that she's done in that space. But you know what? You founded Renation. Right? Yes. Tell me and and Power to Run is trademarked. Yes. Tell me more about that. And it's the Power to Run workshop, I think, is what it is.

Mhmm. So one of the, again, divine intervention, there was a saying that both my father and my husband said, and they said it at separate times in my life. And I don't think they ever discussed it. And it was a dis the story about the lion in the gazelle that every day in a jungle somewhere in this world, in the jungle wakes up two creatures. One is a lion and one is a gazelle. The lion wakes up knowing that it has the goal and the need to protect its pride Mhmm. To develop direction and to hunt. And that without hunting, the pride will die. Right. The gazelle wakes up knowing that as fast and swift as it is, that it has to also hunt, but it also needs to outrun who? The lion.

Yes.

So very much like life, you've got two dynamics happening. All of us have the need to and the, desire to succeed. We want to provide for those that we love for. We have this voice in the back of our head saying that, when we wake up every morning, we've got to thrive, and we've gotta make this thing called life work. Some days we do great job. Some days we don't just like the line in the gazelle. But one thing we all know is we have to run. We have to wake up with a run mentality. Now we have to be careful about that run mentality because when those two creatures get out of their character, their purpose, it changes the whole dynamic of what? The jungle of the ecosystem. So just like purpose, we have to be clear what we were designed for, why we were designed, and how do we survive. How do we survive? And so when I asked my husband, I say, you know, I really need a powerful name for my firm, and I'm just kinda struggling what I wanna call it. And we threw around a lot of things, and he said one day he said, I got it. He said, the way you innovate and you should teach people how to reinvent reinvent and reimagine themselves and their situations, the way you, you know, kinda show people how to rebreathe again. He said, in a very innovative way, he said, that story about the line and the gazelle, the run, and the innovation, I think the name Runvation is your company's name. And that's how it came. He named the company. Yes.

I love that. So I I had not even thought about that at all, but it's the combination of innovation and run. That is I love that. Yes. Well, I tell you what, I have still a lot of questions, pages and pages here of notes, but we need to take a quick break, and we'll be right back with Coach Bee on the Something Extra podcast.

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Welcome back, everyone, to the Something Acre podcast with Coach Bee. We just learned that her company, Runation, was named by Rob, her husband, combination of run and innovation Right. Which I absolutely love that. But, Coach Bee, do you have a story that you can tell about someone or a situation where you saw, like, this power to run really come to life and, that it was transformational for somebody?

Yes. So, actually, there's so many of the these stories because of the this being the main purpose of kind of, you know, breaking off the chains of people, you know, when they're going through these long term wounds. And, I would say that there's a group of women that, we work through, technology partners with a very if I said the name, which, again, I won't break Mhmm. But it's a name that everybody knows, academic medical institution, I would say, that that's done a beautiful job of bringing a very strong heartbeat of women into the organization and marrying that with technology. But like so many organizations I see, Lisa, unfortunately, we forget that work environments, workplaces is really like a therapeutic institution for most people. We spend exorbitant amount of time at work. Our minds are wrapped around what we do for a living. Even when we're not there, we've got people working from home still. Right? Where their home office is just a few steps away from their bedroom and their kitchen. Right? We've got people trying to manage through being caretakers. I have, I would say, eighty percent of my client base are caregivers now.

Mhmm. Right? Right. It's the sandwich generation.

The sandwich generation. And so Mhmm. The wounds that people are walking with right now are just incredible. But the kind of unpacking the tombs of isolation, getting back to resilient leadership, resilient purpose driven lives, is really what the power to run is about. It is about taking all of the mosaic pieces of what makes us who we are, our purpose, our passion, our past, the DNA we were born with, the families we were born into or not born into. Right. The relationships we build as adults. Right? Our identities, our brands, per I mean, our personal brands, and who we choose to do life with all make us who we are. But for some reason, when we go into trying to help people, we only wanna focus on, well, are you a good leader? We may touch on if they are getting counseling their the spiritual needs. Right? We may they may go through marriage counseling, but what we don't do is put the whole cell phone on the table. So the power to run is about speaking to the core blind spots of what pulls back an individual first from an emotional intelligence perspective, then unpacking how that person shows up in a intact team or in a leadership team or on a board of directors or as a community leader. But we usually get this backwards. We we want to skip the self stuff and just go into fixing the group stuff. So Right. So the power to run is helping people sit in a vulnerable place of identification with what has been they with how they've been walking wounded, showing up as a CEO, CIO, CTO, whatever, as a developer, whatever the space is. Helping them unpack that first together. Sometimes it's one on one coaching. But teaching people that vulnerability has to be present for transformation to happen.

Absolutely. Absolutely. You got to you gotta put it on the table, what it what it is. And as you were talking about that, you know, the thing is teams, organizations are made up of single people.

Of single people.

I mean, of people.

That's right.

And so getting it right with the people and self first Yes. I think it's paramount. And, you know, I told you, Coach Bee, that I'm I'm I'm so excited for you to read my book, Something Answer, that just that just blocked. But the whole it's divided into four parts. And the first part is it starts on the inside. It has two. It does. And and listen. It's it's I think here's the other thing. And let me just say this. It's hard work.

Yes. It's hard work.

Sometimes we resist it because it is hard, and it's sometimes uncomfortable Absolutely. Really to ask ourselves those really hard questions. Like, what am I putting my identity in?

Absolutely. I just sat with a a a global just came from the Bay Area two days ago sitting with another, Technology Partners client and, again, global name, leadership team. And it never seems to amaze me to watch the tears, the literal tears that fall from not just one versus another people's eyes when they feel cracked open and for me to start addressing what's holding them back, those triggers. Like I said, the legions of things that they've been walking with their whole lives. I mean, keep in mind, we're sitting in a workplace with five generations five generations of individuals. And I know my girls, Hannah and Grace, they are well able to emote what they feel. Yeah. I came from a generation that you press that stuff down. You

That's right.

You burrow forward. You do not allow yourself to get distracted. But I'm here to tell you, I'm a living witness. You have if you want to get on the purpose path, you've gotta deal with your junk. Mhmm. You've gotta unpack. And and just like they say on the planes, you've got to put your own oxygen mask on first. There there's a reason why they don't tell you to reach over while you're gasping for air and save the person next to you. There's a reason.

Sure. Yeah.

Right? They say put yours on first.

Mhmm.

Do it as quickly as you can if you want to live and survive. Right? And you help the person next to you.

Right. Right.

So it's just you know, you you we've gotta unpack that, and I think we're in a place now where we're probably better positioned because we're kinda backs against the wall. There is no more you and them. It is me. Gotta deal with me. And so, I love the work that I get to do with Power to Run and the Transformation University because these are the things I walk through.

Yes. I'm Right. And you see and you see how liberating it is, Coach Bee, when you can break those chains. Yeah. Whatever it is that you, you know, that you're carrying this burden on your back. Right? So that's, I just love it. I love it. Well, gosh. This is so good. You know, you've coached over four hundred global leaders through the CIO executive council. You know, what what do you think and and it could be what we've just been talking about. These high capacity leaders, what do you think that oftentimes they need that they don't ask for?

Space to breathe. Mhmm. Space to be seen outside again of that high performing space. So, Lisa, I learned, through my leadership journey and through self reflection and then in my practice that though I have a love for people in general, and you probably just know that about me, that I can go in the grocery store, stand next to somebody picking tomatoes, and start a conversation. That's just your husband always tells me, I can't leave you alone for two seconds. But I love people, but I'm real clear about who I'm called to help. So they're seeing people, and that there's knowing yourself, and there's knowing your purpose. And so even in the four hundred with the CEO executive council, what I realized is that my job is to see the four hundred from my eyes and not see it from everybody else's because my eyes are divinely given to me to see certain things in people. So I have a gift to be able to see and call out what I what I can see that unspoken thing in a person. People always tell me, how do you just go right to my soul? Well, it's because I took the journey of my soul opening up and getting help there. And I felt, like, my favorite client is one that's gone through therapy and coaching. Like, I love a person who has already signed up for self help.

Yes.

But I don't shy away from those that know they need help and don't know where to get it. Right? So, I just find an incredible amount of the high performing individuals tend to be the also the people that don't always, care for themselves first. Oh. They are, like, the major servant leaders. Right?

One hundred percent.

Yeah. And they will they will lay it all on the line every day. Like, when I ask them questions about when you wake up in the morning, what do you think about first? It's very rarely them.

Mhmm.

And they've actually been programmed to think that if it's them, they're that's egotistical. That's prideful.

Selfish. Right. That's prideful. That's hubris. That's right. All of those things. Right.

Yeah. So that's the the red thread I always see. I don't care what organization, what city I work with. I've worked with police officers, firefighters, you name it. I've worked in zoos. I've worked everywhere. It I see it over and over again. And sometimes it even saddens me because I'm like, what are we putting in the water Why this is a even even with my girls, I'm like, it is okay to take time for yourself.

Yes.

It is okay to love yourself. That is not self centered in a negative way. You have to do that before you can love somebody else.

Mhmm. Oh, yeah. We should do a whole podcast on that. I'm Loving yourself. Loving yes. Because yeah. Yeah. I've got a lot to say on that, so we should do a whole podcast

on that. Lisa. Let's do it.

This is good. You know? Well and I know that you're working a lot with women. Right? Yes. Student Technology Partners and what we're doing. Yes. What are some of those patterns that you see with women? What are those things that maybe are holding them back, those blind spots that you see over and over, with women in particular, Coach Bee?

I will tell you there's two things I coach on religiously, and they're nonnegotiables.

Mhmm.

Emotional intelligence and personal branding. Now most people gonna hear this and go, well, coach would be well, duh. Though we everybody know that's important. You'd be surprised how little we know about our emotional wiring.

Mhmm.

We wake up in the morning and refuse to take an emotional temperature. And we show up doing work, stepping into a meeting, trying to sell business, trying to fix technology issues, trying to do strategy, and never have taken stock of, did I wake up right this morning? Did I show up right this morning? And I will say for women because we're moms, we're mentors, we're wives, we're partners. Right? We're caregivers. I would say we are naturally wired to nurture and take care of others.

Yes.

But over and over again, when I have the one on one conversation with a lot of my women in coaching and say, tell me how you're taking care of yourself. Before the conversation's over, the tears come down. The eyes go down off of the screen if we're virtual. The shoulders drop. And I think that it's in that moment that I'm always arrested, and it takes me back to, like I said, the pictures of myself when I was never taking stock of how imbalanced and how unhappy I was. And this is no reflection on my home life. This is no reflection on who I work for. It was just that no one gave me said it was okay and gave me permission to live life fully unleashed.

Mhmm.

To laugh, to dance, to have my favorite muffin, to take time away, to lay in the bed a little longer on a Saturday morning and not feel like I gotta bolt off and do stuff. You know? To maybe have a messy closet every once in a while. Just permission not to be perfect. And so I refuse to let my women even use the word perfection around me.

Oh, good.

I tell them take that word out your vocabulary because it is the devil.

It is. Oh my goodness. It is. You know? And I remember I mean and I can still fall in that trap myself, but I remember a time, Coach Bee, where I was like, oh, I gotta be the perfect wife, and I gotta keep the perfect house. And we're having a dinner party, and I have to cook the perfect thing. And I can still I can still fall into that, but, boy, it's exhausting. Yes. Literally.

Been delegating, letting someone else be the doer because it's it's it's it's very egotistical. We've we've been staying away for the word ego, but it is so prideful and egotistical. And it's a slow killer when we believe that we can only be the ones to do stuff right. And I do see that a lot more in my female clients than in my male clients. Mhmm. Now what I see in my male clients, because I don't wanna leave my guys out

Right. Let's let's hear what you see in them.

Is this weight of providing. Always providing. Always fixing. You know? And so

They're fixers. That's true.

So one of the things I've tried to start doing, even at home, even with my male, business partners and my clients, is doing the opposite that I do with my female, clients is giving them permission and say, what would it be like if you woke up without that heavy weight of responsibility every day? What would it be like if you just woke up walking a little slower today, not rushing to fix. What would it be like if someone tells you something, you just sit and listen and not be the fixer? You know? Mhmm. You you actually unleash another part of your whole neurological system. And so where we both men and women carry a weight, and none of us, based off of our faith, are supposed to be walking with unending weight. We're supposed to be laying those burdens down.

Asking the burdens.

As yeah. Asking for help when we need it. Letting someone else come in. Realizing that every assignment is not ours. Every ball thrown is not ours to catch.

Right. Right. I had to learn that lesson the hard way too.

Oh, yeah. We I mean, both of us. Both

of us. Used to say, oh, it's an open door. And now I say an open door does not mean go.

Does not mean go. If the ball is thrown to you, just like in baseball, some of them are going from the ground. Doesn't mean that the game was a bad game. It's just hue it's just human. Human.

It is.

Being human.

It is. Being human. Being human. Well, I I wanna just touch on this real quickly, and then we're gonna talk about something extra. But, you know, I mean, we've we have sprinkled faith in here. You and I both believe in the same god. We believe in the same savior. He is fundamental. He is like the the bedrock of my existence, truly, and my business and everything. You know, I mean and I know for me, and I think you would say the same thing. I mean, it truly my leadership, my decision making comes from that place.

Yes.

It comes from that that deep rooted place in my faith, and I know that I'm not doing those things alone. In fact, God, please help me not do it alone. You know, I need I need your strength. Right? I don't need to do things in my strength because Lisa's gonna get it wrong. But, you know, I mean, Coach Bee, we have all sorts of listeners. And so there may be listeners that don't believe the way you and I believe.

I'm okay with that.

And I'm okay with that too. But how would you say to them, like, about this whole idea of purpose and identity? I mean, you still have to figure out what your foundation is. What is your true north? And that can be your values. That can be all sorts of things. But, you know, I mean, there may be people that go, well, I don't believe anything you're you know, you you think about that. Absolutely. So, I mean, how do you what would you say to them?

Okay. So I would say that let's ground on the fact that we're all human.

Mhmm.

Right? And what what we believe in or how we believe we got here, if we wanna put that up on the chopping block for questions, that's fine. I don't have a problem with that. I tell my clients all the time, you know where I'm coming from, but I'm here for you human to human.

Yes.

And my goal is to help you understand why you had to be put on this earth. How you got here, how you leave here is not what we're questioning. We're questioning that you are here. And part of what life is the essence of life is, I believe it, is the the discovery through trials, tribulations, triumphs, through courage, through recovery, finding your grounding, is to understand why you're here, who you're here for, and when you feel most alive. So I always kind of talk to my clients about fire. So all of us have this internal fire. Some people may call it a flutter. Some people may say it's my goosebumps. It's some type of sensing sensory feeling that you get when you're in this zone or in this pocket where you feel like you're fully engaged or when you might be working from a place of empathy where you can feel another person. Whether you've been through what they've been through or not, that's not even what we're talking about. It's the ability to connect. And, and that connection is human centricity. And so if you are going the majority of your life numb and unaware

Mhmm.

And disconnected, then I would probably say you're not even we're not even talking about purpose at that point. We're talking about that tomb experience, that cave experience of shame and unwillingness to, engage in life, fear, being grappled with fear that literally arrest you and paralyze you from being able to experience the full color of life. And that is where we really need to start.

You gotta start there. Right? Right. Mhmm.

Because, to talk about things like spirituality and faith with someone that is in a cave. Like, think about metaphorically when we've read stories, historical stories. Right? Context. When someone is in a cave experience, they are in complete darkness. And to talk to them about outside of that cave is light, they don't wanna hear that.

Does it? Right. Exactly. Hearing

and feeling what you are in that moment of darkness. All of us, even when we have grounding, have true moments grappled of darkness. Right?

We can go through. Yes. Absolutely. Absolutely.

And things like death, things like grief, losing a job. People are losing jobs. People were working without pay. You know, organizations are downsizing. You know, we're being asked to do more with less. We've got conversations about artificial intelligence versus human touch. There's all these things that cause dark spaces in our lives. And at those moments, it's kinda hard to talk about something bigger than us. Right. That is where connection. Somebody being willing to come in the cave. Somebody seeing you, being willing to pull you out. That is the part of what I do that when I tell you it's like electrifying for me, when I Mhmm. See that cave open up and so Open up. It never gets old for me. Mhmm.

Well, to use your words, Coach Bee, you become fully alive

Fully alive.

At that point. Right?

Yeah. And I would I would imagine even your book. I haven't read it. Can't wait. But I feel like what I'm gonna experience when I read it is you going into the cave with people with this book and helping them create a path out. And so I believe that we were designed not to be alone. I believe we become alive and we come out the cave when someone knows we're in there

Yes.

And willing to call us out.

Willing to come in. Right. It's like, I'll tell you another metaphor. So I love the cave. Yeah. I love the cave metaphor. Another metaphor for it is, doctor John Townsend, who has written a lot of books. He's a good friend, and he was on the podcast early on. Mhmm. Well, this is probably twenty eighteen, twenty nineteen. And he tells the story of the well. And he said somebody's in the well. And he said, you put the rope down and you go, come on, Coach Bee. Climb up the wall. Right.

Right.

They can't climb up the wall. You gotta jump in the well.

Gotta give them something that comes out.

Then. Right. You do. Gotta give them something to come out for. So I just I love that. That's just beautiful.

Good. I like that.

I know. I know. I know. The well in the cave. Goodness gracious. We are running out of time here. I mean, I'd love to talk about your daughters. I'd love to talk about work life balance, so we just may have to do a part two.

Gotcha.

But a part two. But my final question for you, and this is the question I ask every guest, what is the something extra, Coach Bee, that you believe every leader needs?

I think so many things that's coming up. I think going back to where we started with this is, what are the voices that have renamed us?What are the voices that gave us our identity identity that has stripped us away from being on the path of purpose? I talked about that for myself. But for me, I would say it started probably as little Benetta. It can start when a parent sees their children

Mhmm.

And what they named their children. Right? Yes. If they stayed with their children, if they left their children, if they've transposed their identity on their children, it can then trans into when that child goes into the school environment. Right? And through the clubs and the clicks that they become affinitized with, that can rename your identity. And then you go off to a college or you start go to another city, and you work your way all the way through life to this place now called adulthood. My challenge to myself, to my friend Lisa, to our listeners is think about what voices renamed you. And if those voices have driven you into a cave, into a rut, into a ditch, into a hard place between a rock and a hard place. It is your responsibility to say to yourself, I am ready for the help to come. It may be a podcast, this podcast. It may be Lisa's book. It may be someone that's been bugging you to go to lunch. You're gonna always get the help when you cry. You will get the help, but you gotta be honest about where this started.

Yes.

It didn't start with your current boss. Sorry. It started way back

Way before that. Forever ago.

And so sometimes we walk into marriages, into jobs, into partnerships, into businesses, and we're expecting those people to figure this out for us. We have to take the step. And so sometimes in the cave, it's okay to cry, cry out, but you gotta make a move.

That's oh, that's so good. That is so good. You gotta make a move. Take that first step.

Yeah. Yeah. Figure out what the point is to start.

It can be different, and there is light.

There there will be eventually. Eventually. So, yeah, the power to run is our power to be willing to be courageous and say where the voice has started. Mhmm. Not to place blame. Right?

Right. But to acknowledge. To acknowledge. Because if you if you don't really acknowledge the truth, you cannot get past that. Right?

Yeah.

So Yeah. That is that's really good, Coach Bee. Well, this has been delightful. I knew it would be me. And, yeah, I think you and I could probably talk for twenty hours. Hours. Yes. But thank you so much for making the time. I know how busy you are. Never. And our listeners, follow Coach Bee. Reach out to her. Yeah. If you need coaching, if you wanna learn more about what she's doing Mhmm. With the Power to Run, please do reach out. So thank you so much, my friend. Have a great rest of your day.

And keep doing great things. I'm so proud of the work you're doing.

Thank you for listening to today's show. Something extra with Lisa Nichols is a Technology Partners production. Copyright Technology Partners Inc two thousand and nineteen. For show notes or to reach Lisa, visit tpi dot co slash podcast. Don't forget to leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, or wherever you listen.