Everything you do will create a ripple effect in your life. And when we think of it as patriarchs and matriarchs, we get to have generational impact in everything we do. And and one of the concepts that is really kind of the foundational phrase of of the book is everyone leaves a legacy. It's either a default version or an intentional one. But for us to think we don't have impact on future generations is is naive. So the butterfly effect in its shortest form is everything you do matters, and it has a ripple effect that goes on forever.

It takes something a little more to lead with impact. I'm Lisa Nichols, author of Something Extra, and this podcast was inspired by our daughter, Allie, whose additional chromosome has shaped how I see people in leadership. Each episode features conversations with inspiring leaders from around the world about what truly defines how they lead and serve others. If you enjoyed today's conversation, please consider leaving a five star review. It helps more people discover the show. And if you'd like to go deeper, my book, Something Extra, is available on Amazon and through other major book retailers. I'm thrilled to have Lance Welch on the show today. Lance is a business and legacy building coach, author of the Legacy Navigator, and the cohost of Beyond the Nest podcast. Well, Lance Welch, welcome to the Something Extra podcast. It is so good to be with you today. I cannot wait for our conversation.

I've been looking forward to this.

I have been too. You live in Nashville?

Just about seven o'clock.

I told you, we love we love Greg and I grew up in Paducah, Kentucky. We had so many of our friends after college that ended up in Nashville. And, what a town. What a town. I've traveled there just recently for some business, and it is booming.

Still booming. It's and and and no signs of slowing down right now.

Right. Yeah. Yeah. So I hope to see you more because I'm hoping to be there a little bit more. So Good for you. But I have to I always love to tell my listeners. And, you know, I think I'm gonna do a little study on this, Lance, to go back and see how many people are connected to Jim Bechtold. Oh. Because Jim Bechtold is the one that connected you and I and said, hey. The two of you guys need to meet one another. And, when I heard about what you were doing, I was just like, you you have to come on the podcast, Lance. I love what you're doing. And then you went on to connect me to Aaron Sanders, who's also been a guest. It it's just it's beautiful just how that snowball effect It is. Worked. Right?

Yeah. Jim is is a he's got the gift of connecting. That's for sure.

He does. Yeah. He's got he's got lots of gifts, but definitely connecting. Encouraging is another affirmation. It's another one of his many gifts. I just love having him in my orbit. But, you know, you spent, I think, twenty eight years as an exec at Allstate.

Yes. Different level. Twenty eight? Yeah. Start out in sales and, for some reason, thought I wanted to get into management and just kept climbing.

Yep. Yep. So you you were an executive there. For for our listeners who don't know, I'm sure everybody knows Allstate, but it is a Fortune one hundred company. Yep. I think it's the largest publicly held personal line insurance. So, I don't know. That could have changed, but big company. Yeah. Big company, and you rose through the ranks. And I think, you know, let let's just talk about this. What what shaped you in your early years? I mean, you started out in sales, but just kinda tell us a little bit of the journey. And then I've got I've got scads and scads and scads of questions for you, but let's just talk about this for a minute.

Yeah. Okay. So started out definitely in sales. Because I was, you know, I grew up in a pretty poor household. My dad worked three jobs, hourly wage jobs the entire time I I was growing up. So I had a lot of incentive of what can I do with my life? He was an amazing dad, still is amazing dad. I still have him with us. But I knew that I wanted more than that, and, you know, it is so much easier today. I look at what my boys are building. They're they're all three entrepreneurs. Being able to build a business today is a lot different than what it was thirty, forty, fifty years ago. And so I I knew that for me to make a have a better living, a better standard living, I probably was gonna have to go into sales. I'd always been told that sales is either the highest paid, most enjoyable, or the lowest paid, most frustrating. Yeah. So from one extreme to the other. Right. And I just I love the freedom that it provided. I I love the opportunity to be able to, at in in the initial phases, it was all I was very self centered, very egotistical, you know, air my laundry here right at the beginning. But I just wanted to make a lot more money. And it started out in in life insurance sales, and when it became real was when I had to deliver my very first death claim. And it it was to a very young couple. Excuse me. We lived in Shreveport, Louisiana, and very, very unfortunate that it was a random drive by shooting. And totally I mean, most most murders are are uncalled for. This is just random. But when I delivered that death check to that young widow, she was twenty four years old and two two young children, it changed forever how I You know? What did I do? It used it went from me being able to win a trip to for my wife and I to go to a place we'd always dreamt dreamt of going to people cannot walk around without adequate amount of life insurance. And from that day forward, it's it just became a passion to be able to make sure that people did not have to endure the what we now call see the GoFundMe accounts that we see a lot of.

Right.

So began to to excel. Won, trips, we got to travel all over the world. And, you know, like most corporations, if they find a a, person who can sell really well, they typically think they're gonna be a good manager, which is not the case. Just because you can sell something doesn't mean you can lead people. But I always loved being a leader. Mhmm. I was introduced to John Maxwell and his content very, very early on and became just a fanboy of of John and what he's built. I'm now a coach within his organization, but, and I've followed him for probably the last forty years. And he has just got the most consistent track record of developing leaders, and he's known as the the world's greatest leadership expert. And so I just began to develop myself as a leader, grew in in the corporate ranks. And, when my boys were probably getting into the double digits, the ten to twelve years old, something clicked in me that realized that all of the content that corporate was pushing down to us as leaders to develop our teams, all I had to do is switch the verbiage from a corporate perspective to a personal perspective. And it was very similar content on what I started building for our family as far as year end reviews, family vision cast, quarterly family reviews, you know, the QFR versus a business's QBR.

Sure.

I just love the leadership side of things. And knowing that I had three young men in my house, I wanted them to be equipped to leave the house well. Not just leave. I wanted them to be prepared to leave, and that was kind of my quest into leadership. It was, yes, for corporate, but more so with what I could lead and equip my boys to do.

Mhmm. That is so beautiful. I just I love that. So did corporate, like because I know, like, success. I mean, you definitely had success. You I think at one time, Lance, you had three thousand reps, at least three thousand plus reps in fourteen different states. I mean, you were definitely leading. But when you were talking to leadership about this, it's not just, you know, I said leadership doesn't stop at the office. Mhmm. Leadership really, you know, cascades into every piece of our of our life, really, if we allow it to. Oh, we will. But I love that. Were you able to with the people that you were leading, were you able to translate for them? This is not just what you're doing here at Allstate for the business, but you can use these concepts with your family. Were you able to do that Yeah. With the people that you were leading?

We did. And and that was really what led to you know, the my wife and I have a podcast called Beyond the Nest. Yes. There was a a phenomenon that I began noticing that a lot of my my agents, my reps that were incredibly successful, but they were entering the empty nest phase of life, things were beginning to break down. And I began to to notice, and now I've recently found a statistic that actually supported what I saw, is there is a forty percent spike in the divorce rate at empty nest. And so when I began to start recognizing that there was something happening at that phase of life, then it would I love to study. I I love to research, find out cause and effect, and that did give a lot of opportunity to start talking about, you know, how do you succeed at work and home that it's not either or, but it's both and. And it would Mhmm. Pretty easy concept to to to transition into.

Yeah. Wow. And you see that so much. Right, Lance? I mean, we can get with work and our careers, we can get so entrenched in that. And then, you know, there's, collateral sometimes, unfortunately, that's left behind.

True.

So and so I know that that's you know, we're gonna get into that. That's, like, what you are really passionate about today, both you and Allison. But, you know, I wanna talk about this. So you you're very open. There was you you've got the three boys, and and I know that they're all, like, entrepreneurs, and they're successful. You say they were strong willed.

Yes.

Three strong willed boys. You know, I want you to if you can, talk to our listeners about this because you talk openly about the dictator dad phase that you went through.

Yeah. My wife could probably talk about it even better, but, she was always the buffer, between me and them. And, you know, I was I grew up an athlete. Lettered and everything. My jersey's retired. I mean, it was it was my life. My drug of choice was was basketball. Didn't get into actual drugs, but my my drug of choice was just as devastating because everyone had to take a back seat to that. And in the younger days, used to well, it's it's it's true now. I can say it used to be the concept of just kill them all and let god sort them out. I'm a high d on the disc profile, and I only had fun if I was winning. And so it was it was it was a drug that really drove me and, just about cost my marriage in the early days. And, you know, just the grace of God that we've been now married just over thirty eight years. So there is hope for all of us. Yes. And my oldest son, he is also a very strong willed, type a personality. And in the younger days, I I can remember so many times I can even get pictures or envisions now, the looks on some of their faces. It's like when you say things, you can't take those words back. But you can see that you talked earlier, collateral damage. You could see what you did. And my wife was always the buffer between me and them. And it was only through growing as a leader that I was able to realize, you know, I could I could lead just effectively at home as I did at work. And I can remember several times my wife would say, I wish you would study us and how to communicate with us as much as you studied your agents and how to communicate with them.

Wow.

And that was kind of a hard wake up call. It's like, I did. I spent an enormous amount of time to become a better leader in the corporate world. Yeah. I didn't until later learn that, you know what, I my family deserved every bit, if not more, attention on how do I study them and learn their language patterns, how can I motivate them to to grow in the areas that I want instead of just being the dictator and making it trying to make it happen? Mhmm. That makes sense.

That'll preach. That'll preach, Lance. That is so good. What do you think I mean, you know and, obviously, your boys have gone on to be successful in that. But what what do you think your family was feeling during that time? What do you what do you that dictator, what do you move from? I think it was you, and I could be wrong on this because sometimes my memory fails me. But I feel like you may have said to me, you know, you kinda move from even a coach to a consultant. As your kids get older. You know? I think you're the one that said that to me, Lance, and I thought that is so good because, really, a consultant as they get older, you know, they're asking for your help. Right? Yeah. Instead of you going, let me tell you how it is. Let me tell you what we need to do. Right? So, you know, maybe there is a listener out there that's like, gosh. I feel like maybe that's me, you know, that I'm more of a dictator. You know, what are some of the things that you can start doing? But, you know, you you talked about studying your family, but how do you move from that dictator to more of that consultant type mindset with your children?

Mhmm. Well, I think just like anything else, there's gotta be a level of awareness that that something isn't quite working. And, you know, was it Einstein said that it's it's the definition of insanity to continue to do what you've always done and expect different results.

Right. Right.

And, you know, so if something isn't working, it does not make sense to keep doing the same thing. And one thing that we have learned as parents of you know, I would say this would be go going to parents of, mid to upper teens into young adults, is if we continue to dictate how to do things, we are literally robbing our children from being able to learn how to do things on their own. Society rewards, obedience. It doesn't always reward strategic thinking. But the the value prop comes in when you're able to think through solutions. And and our society doesn't always appreciate that. I know that when I used to take the boys and check them out of school to take them to John Maxwell events, the teachers thought that I was ruining their education, and I saw it exactly opposite. You know? So they that was counted as an unexcused absence for them, but they didn't appreciate that. And I'm and I was totally okay with that because I wanted my boys to be, in environments that were bigger than them, that were over their heads, and they didn't understand what John Maxwell was talking about or, any of his speakers when they were thirteen, fourteen years old. But all three of them will tell you that those were some very instrumental days for them to recognize, one, dad cared enough to go against status quo.

Right.

It taught them to really how to think for themselves. But back to the what your really question was is, are teenagers, upper teens and young adults, they will grow to the extent that you allow them to grow. And what we learned the hard way is that age group, they don't wanna be fixed. Even if you, as a parent, feel like they need to be fixed, they don't wanna be fixed. Anytime we, as an adult, look to address something that our upper teens or or young adults don't ask us for, it is viewed as criticism. And that's that was a hard lesson for us to learn is unsolicited advice almost always comes across as criticism.

Yeah. Oh, that's good. That's good. That's gold right there. Well, you know, as you were talking, Lance, I just I just thought about this. And it's like that dictator dad is speaking to their head

Mhmm.

But you're certainly not capturing their heart.

Correct. That's a good word.

In fact in fact, you're pushing that piece away, I think. Right? So yeah. That's so good. Well, for you, what were some of the hardest habits to unlearn moving from, you know, the dictator dad to more the consultant dad? What were some of your habits that you had to unlearn?

The the I'd say the hardest one for all three of them was that I knew the only right way to do something. When we continue as parents or even as leaders this is something we talk a lot with a lot of my clients. Ask your your your subordinates what do they feel like the right solution would be. Even if you know the I the right way to do it, chances are it's not the only right way. And if we're gonna talk about the the child parent scenario is if I will ask them, I will be amazed at what they will come up with. But as long as I just keep telling them what to do, I literally I'm it's like I'm cutting them off at the knees, and I'm robbing them of the ability to learn to think. So the hardest thing for me was to not always step in and, quote, fix things. And it's so much easier. I I a phrase we use a lot with our kids, always have is it's you you can choose your inconvenience. It is inconvenient for me to ask my sons, even to this day, what do you think? I can I can tell them what to do in

about five

in about five seconds? Yeah. Or I might take fifteen minutes to ask them, what do you think should be done and walk through the process. So it's inconvenient to take that extra time to ask them the question. But if I refuse to be inconvenienced now, I can promise you I'll be more inconvenienced later.

Yes. Oh, that's good. That's good. You know, Lance, you know and I know you have a book too, and we'll talk about it, but the something extra book, it just reminded me of a few things. So I start the book with humility. Mhmm. And if you think that your way is the only way, That's the opposite of humility.

Right. Right.

Right? That's the opposite of humility. And then the other, you know, leadership trait, character trait that I was thinking about, also a fruit of the spirit, is patience. And I know for myself, sometimes, I am not long on patience. I'm short on patience.

Yeah.

So what you just said, I can tell them in five seconds

Yeah.

Where it might take me fifteen minutes to explain, but the inconvenience now is going to save you in the long run. And I just think that's gold. That is gold.

And your willingness to be inconvenienced now, it is literally, in my opinion, setting them up for success later, which obviously reduces my inconvenience later. None of my boys are on my payroll anymore. They've all moved out. They're they're they're spending on their own two feet. I I've got two amazing grandchildren that we get to just spoil. So, yeah, it's a matter of, choose your inconvenience. Steve Harvey had a talk a while back. He was he called it choose your hard. Same basic framework. You know, choose your inconvenience. You you can choose it. You can be inconvenienced now or greater later. It's your choice.

Yeah. That's so good. That is so good. Well, I wanna ask you one more question, and then we need to take a quick break. But you and Allison have a podcast called Beyond the Nest. I would really, really, really highly recommend our listeners go get that podcast. Do you guys, does a new one drop every week? What's the cadence for you guys' clients?

Yeah. Usually, it comes out every Tuesday morning.

Every Tuesday morning. Okay. Well, we'll put it in the show notes, you know, how people can listen. But what do you think you know, because somebody might be sitting there right now and going, oh, you know, yeah. I'm a little lost. I'm a little lost right now because we're in this empty nest or that empty nest is coming. Mhmm. You know, What are some of the things that couples can do now, you know, lenient to keep from and and, you know, you gave the one statistic, which is a staggering statistic, forty percent. Yeah. Going through divorce in that empty nest.

Well, it's actually it's actually worse than that. It's a forty percent spike

A forty percent spike.

In the empty nest. Yeah. So which way it's going to be there, it's bad as we know.

Bad as it is, but it's goes it goes up in that case. Give us some practical things that a couple can do now to prepare for that.

Oh, man. First thing is don't do it alone. You know, there's such value in in community, either your own local community, you know, your close circle of friends, is a huge, huge benefit. Resources today, Lisa, there's so there's so many more resources today. Internet opened up the world to that. YouTube, the podcast, books. What we note, there's not a lot of books, though, with this this segment, empty nest phase. There's a ton of books on what to do when you're expect you know, the toddlers and the the younger age, but there's not a lot of resources out there. But the number one thing is don't do it alone. Don't believe the lie that no one else knows what you're going through, has ever they've never experienced this, depression. I was visiting with with someone we're gonna do some collaborative work, with here pretty soon, and him he and his wife have a business together. He's an event planner. She's a travel planner. And then when they asked you know, we got through the business side of what we're looking to do with them. They asked what I did, and I end up telling them about the Beyond the Nest. The call went a totally different direction. They are getting ready to be in an empty nest phase, and the mom has been dreading it for for two or three years already. She's beside herself. And if she wants to have a conversation with with Allison just because she is scared to death of Yeah. What's gonna happen. So the number one thing is get in community. You know? Find resources

Good.

And don't do life alone. The other is to recognize that our job is to equip our kids to launch. Right? We don't It's

a natural order. Good. Right, Lance?

There was a a early book. I've always been a massive reader, but, there was an author. He's passed away now. He's a guy named Steve Farrar. Wrote many, many good good books on you know, if there's any dads that are looking for parenting or dad type books, the number one thing I would do from Steve is one called The Point Man. Fantastic book. But in one of his books, he tells that his dad told him when he graduated high school, he said, play the man. Shook his hand, not a hug, but shook his hand and walked away. And he said the rest of the drive to school, he's trying to figure out his words. He said, what the hell does that mean? We had no idea what did it mean to play the man. And that always stuck with me. It's like, my boys are not gonna have to ask that question. You know? So a lot of it, we get to learn either by our own trial and errors or ideally, we get to learn from someone else's. But sometimes we're just stubborn headed, and we're gonna learn it our own hard way. But the number one thing for me is learn from others.

Yeah. That's good. That is so good. Well, Lance, we need to take a quick break, and we'll be right back on the Something Extra podcast with Lance Welch.

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Welcome back, everyone, to the something extra podcast with my friend, Lance. Well so, Lance, I read a blog that you wrote in twenty twenty three about the butterfly effect. And, you know, you talked about well, I don't wanna I don't wanna steal your thunder here, but it was kinda something about the Nobel Prize and that sort of thing. Can you explain what is the butterfly effect?

Everything you do will create a ripple effect in your life. And when we think of it as patriarchs and matriarchs, we get to have generational impact in everything we do. And and one of the concepts that is really kind of the foundational phrase of of the book is everyone leaves a legacy. It's either a default version or an intentional one. But for us to think we don't have impact on future generations is is naive. So the butterfly effect in its shortest form is everything you do matters, and it has a ripple effect that goes on forever.

That's so good. That is so good. Well, let's talk about your book. K. Because you released a book early twenty twenty four, I think it Yeah. Was. Got it on Audible, called the legacy navigator. Tell me why you wrote the book. Tell me a a little bit about the book. How was that experience? Because, you know, I just wrote my own book, and it is an experience.

It is indeed. And and I laugh because, I just turned sixty this year. My wife and I both turned sixty. We had our thirty eighth anniversary. We had just an amazing family trip. But we, when it's like, it doesn't matter how old you get. You still have moments of, did I really say that? And and I it started with me asking my oldest son who who's got a really successful podcast of his own, millions of downloads a month. He's got a very successful business. But I asked him. I said, hey. Why don't you give dad some referrals for my coaching business? And he said, well, why don't you create some content so I can say, hey. Check out his content instead of, hey. Work with my dad. Right. And I'm like, like, what? And he said, write a book. All the boys, my wife, they they said I should have written a book a long time ago, and I just did not ever see myself as an author. And, you know, our identity is such a powerful thing.

Yes.

It it took probably a year into the book after the book launched before I was even comfortable saying, yeah. I'm an author. I don't know why I had to hang up on it, but I did. But, anyway, so I'm thinking, alright. I'm gonna write it on sales. I've been in sales since college. The first sales job I had was selling water

know. Water